just to bleed

These are the moments you never want to live for
When you wonder why you are still here
and why you haven't taken the easy way out
Nothing seems to be going right for you and
all you want to do is scream and cry out
and when you do there is no sound
because your cries are silent
no one can hear you and no one can save you
so you just drift off, away from reality into a dream
but then you feel like you can't take it anymore
and you wonder why you haven't taken the easy way out
everything is getting worse for you
and now all you want is to feel the warmth
of a loving body next to yours
warmth to replace the coldness you've been stuck in
but nothing is that easy and there is no one to hold
so you grab something sharp and you place it in your hand
its so beautiful and you sit and admire it in all its beauty
because it has a purpose, its your form of release
as you start to carve into your flesh
you feel the indescribable rush of the feelings you vaguely remember
and you for a moment forget about how much it hurts
and how much you are suffering
because all you see is the beautiful crimson
beading up on your skin and this is all you need for now
just a sense of being alive
But then things get out of your control
and you are considering the easy way out
you try to remember what it is that helped you last time
but you can't get past the overwhelming thoughts that clog your memory
and then you glance over and you see the blade across the room
suddenly its in your hand and you know what to do
as you puncture through your skin you
remember how intoxicating it felt to see the beaded blood
but this time you need a stronger fix
so you go deeper and deeper
you create a masterpiece all over your body
This is all you want for now
just to bleed.