I have these million emotions bottled up inside me tonight, it seems like everything is messed up, yet its not. i wish i can take out the trash in my mind and live in the now, i would give anything to be okay, to be the person you are proud of, yet i disappoint you time and time again...
This aching feeling in my core can not be stopped, no matter what i try. Someone said you have to let God in your life, yet how exactly do you do that? how do you comprehend His love? How does one being accept you completely for who you are, when humans cant do that? how does one being love you more than you could ever love yourself?
If He loved me so much, why cant i feel it? Does He really know what i feel, what i want, what i need?? When i don't even understand myself, how can i make sense to God? He hates sin, yet how can He love the sinner? If humans cant accept your sins, how can an almighty God accept them and forgive them?
If i look at the way humans treat each other, i cant help to wonder, where is God? Were was He when i needed Him? Were was he when i was a child? Why did He make a young girl fall pregnant just to give her baby up for adoption? Why did He create me when i was unwanted by my mother and father? What was the use in that?
Why does he allow abuse? Why wasn't He there when i needed Him the most? Why didn't i feel Him in the hardest moments in my life?
If i ever reach heaven , how will i take responsibility for all the things i have done? How do i explain why i took every pill i took, how do i explain why i cut myself to feel better? how do i explain why i inject to feel release? how do i explain the things i have done in my life to escape?
how do i explain when i don't have all the answers?
Why did He give me the mind that always ask "WHY?"
Can God love used-goods? Can He love lost causes? outcasts?
How much pain do i want to go through, before i allow God to love me? How much longer will i self-destruct....question ill ponder on tonight..
xoxo
This aching feeling in my core can not be stopped, no matter what i try. Someone said you have to let God in your life, yet how exactly do you do that? how do you comprehend His love? How does one being accept you completely for who you are, when humans cant do that? how does one being love you more than you could ever love yourself?
If He loved me so much, why cant i feel it? Does He really know what i feel, what i want, what i need?? When i don't even understand myself, how can i make sense to God? He hates sin, yet how can He love the sinner? If humans cant accept your sins, how can an almighty God accept them and forgive them?
If i look at the way humans treat each other, i cant help to wonder, where is God? Were was He when i needed Him? Were was he when i was a child? Why did He make a young girl fall pregnant just to give her baby up for adoption? Why did He create me when i was unwanted by my mother and father? What was the use in that?
Why does he allow abuse? Why wasn't He there when i needed Him the most? Why didn't i feel Him in the hardest moments in my life?
If i ever reach heaven , how will i take responsibility for all the things i have done? How do i explain why i took every pill i took, how do i explain why i cut myself to feel better? how do i explain why i inject to feel release? how do i explain the things i have done in my life to escape?
how do i explain when i don't have all the answers?
Why did He give me the mind that always ask "WHY?"
Can God love used-goods? Can He love lost causes? outcasts?
How much pain do i want to go through, before i allow God to love me? How much longer will i self-destruct....question ill ponder on tonight..
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment